What does it mean to be a submissive wife?

I’m going to dive into pretty much the most controversial topic in marriage, which is the biblical idea of being a submissive wife.

Culture likes to immediately attack the word “submissive” to mean that the woman is somehow to be lower, to be controlled by her husband, and have to do whatever he says. But the biblical use of this word isn’t to be “slave to”, but instead to be “subject to”. This is scripture, my friends! Ephesians 5 instructs us to “Be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” But here’s the thing: further along MEN are instructed to “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

So let’s get a little deeper into what this means:

Our husbands are the authority and head of the household, as told to us by God in scripture. Wives are subject to the authority, but it does not mean we are not equals in our marriage and decision-making! We are not to be quiet or not share our thoughts. We work together to make the best decisions for our household. But God has placed special responsibility on husbands to meet with the Lord firstly, and secondly to listen to the wisdom of a godly wife when making those decisions. Wives step into the role of helper and should practice daily prayer, asking God to give us the wisdom and faithfulness we need to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Verse 26 says these women “speak with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

The Bible also instructs us to confront the sin of our husbands, not to be doormats that are treated in an unbiblical way. Remember, our husbands are literally commanded to give their lives for us, to love us as Christ loves the church! That is daunting! This means he is NOT to be condescending, abusive, forceful, or controlling.

So what can we do to better support our husbands?

For my marriage, the things that mean the most are making sure that my home is a safe, welcoming haven. When Nick comes home, Lila and I are always at the door to greet him with big smiles and kisses. I love keeping a clean home for our family. I love having dinner on the table (though Nick helps quite a lot with this).

I keep my body healthy for him, just as he does for me. I do my best not to bicker or nag. I RESPECT him. I don’t undermine or belittle him. I don’t gossip about him to my friends. We COMMUNICATE our feelings and listen to one another. I PRAY for him!

Ladies, when you are living in a role of submissive wife and your husband is living in a role of loving you as Christ loves the church, marriage becomes harmonious and the most loving that it can be! Why? Because God intended for it to be this way. Serving our husbands brings such joy. Being loved in a godly way by our husbands is the BEST kind of love a man can give.